Healthy Again

A note to my friends and family who are reading this post:  I wrote most of this entry four months ago when Sam had pneumonia.  He is doing just fine now.  I didn't want you to worry.  Thank you so much for reading.

Sam can whine with the best of them.  He whines when he wants to watch another show and isn't getting his way or when the sprawling train track he built all over the floor is slightly disturbed.  Or when he has to live with the injustice of a grape or a carrot remaining on his plate with the rest of his dinner.  (oh, the horror!)

However, our little man is a stoically brave little man when it comes to being sick.  Sam's mommy and daddy discovered today that Sam has pneumonia.  I knew something was very wrong when Sam woke up this morning, walked a few steps into the hall, said, "Need to rest," and laid down on the floor.  The doctor says that Sam is going to be just fine, but since I am writing this at a quarter til two on a sleepless Friday morning, I am apparently not convinced of that. 

Sam, meanwhile, is sleeping relatively peacefully.  That in itself is a blessing.  I am thankful for Sam to receive a respite from the relentless coughing that has plagued him for several days now.  Every now and again he whimpers a little in his sleep. 

We've heard very little of this whimpering throughout the day, however.  Sam has braved a visit to the doctor that included his first breathing treatment.  He has patiently borne a breathing treatment and medicine through an inhaler four times today.  He has taken oral medication four times today as well.  All this with scarcely a complaint.  During his breathing treatment he simply said, "Want to go home now."  From time to time he will state the fact that is only all too obvious.  "Still sick," he says.  For the most part he just carries on playing and watching TV like he always does.  He will cough so hard and for so long that I feel as though I am going to scream but then the next words out of his mouth soothe me as they are no doubt about an episode of "Jake and the Neverland Pirates" or maybe a request for me to get more water for his Magic Grow capsules. 

How can Sam be so distraught over "grave injustices" like not getting to peel his own banana and then be so stoically resolute when he is very sick?  Sam is equally as tough when it comes to accidents and injuries.  He only cries or complains if he is very hurt or very frightened.  Most of the time he just gets right up and keeps going.

I regularly glow with pride at his toughness and am just as regularly frustrated with his tantrums over what I consider to be minutia.  Is it a three year old thing?  Will he outgrow it?  Or, is he already like his mother, overly anxious about all the little changes in our respective worlds, but, like me, also surprisingly brave at times?  My anxiety issues are not something I would wish on anyone, but as I write these words, my inner voice says that he will be okay even if he is like me in many ways.  I am very pleased and a little surprised to hear the voice inside my head automatically say that I am okay, that it is okay for Sam to take after me.  This is not the way that my inner voice has always talked about me. 

It has been four months since I started writing this post. I am not sure why I got so stuck writing it.  It may simply be that keeping up with Sam keeps me very busy.  I am glad to be finishing it though and hope to write again soon.  My sweet little boy is not sick anymore and is nearing his fourth birthday.  Also, it turns out that while writing this, I realized that I'm pretty healthy as well.  It feels good to write that it is okay to be me and mean it.  All of these things make me so happy and glad.